Katrina Rodabaugh



There are these spaces or we assumed there were these spaces although maybe that is just our fantasy as you call it or call it our assumption.

Not that I do not mean it or that I do not have things which I wouldn’t put spaces into or drive things into like a truck tucked up in the driveway so the doors hardly opened.

Push it over the cliff so we can watch something else sinking in the ocean.

To hear you feel the things I can’t be there to feel through you.

Was I loved or was I used?

Or if I chuck this one off the cliff and the terracotta pot did or did not follow.

Stray cats howling or is that fucking and even one neighbor’s dog off somewhere like a Ferris wheel in the distance.

You need to get a haircut so leave the trance of feeling and pick up the goddamn cellular telephone.

The world ended once we had one.


I would drive there and press against you me we if you’d let me which is not to say we haven’t been here before because we have and because we haven’t.

Not quite like this.

Or you coward I dare you to take us.

Coward I dare you to take you me we or one of us should and one of us hasn’t.


We’ve been at this for so long but not so long ago and not nearly so many.

I’m embarrassed to tell you about these things sewn to the edges of my skirts things that do not look like the obese convention and things that do not look like anything else I can name or I would name them.



Sweetest to meet his lip.

Hung fury mammals from the hem of the skirt line or did not leave the easement for small bloody suckling hemlines to be tucked fabric back inside back up inside them.

No matter how many times we’ve been through these things like another one fragile and then falling or another one because he couldn’t or another one crawled into a nest somewhere and took a bottle of pills into constant other with him.

It was her brother not her mother that did the finding.


You are almost a decade in the ground and in these moments I believe it would be different if you were still here to change it.

To pull your breath from your mouth so we can suck it.

To crawl inside your veins and then back out of them.

A small vile with me so I’ll have something warm to remember.

Lockets of blood kept around the neck and small mammals hung from the hem of her skirt line and all this pain and beauty make it pointless in the face of dirt and metal.


Darling anywhere because I do that much.

And he said I do and very much.

And now there is this but there is not this which is really another concrete something.


If we could these moments in a lifetime these moments for meaning these moments on the cell phone when I walked out of the building and hands shook voice and heat and hunger and then nicotine and then hung up and then so nothing else but silence.

Sucked smoke down my throat because I needed to be inhaling something.


Raccoons and skunks and opossums and stray cats come to the front step in Oakland but we do not let them inside even though we have food in here that we could feed them.

There is violence in and out of country.


The back of the throat burns and she coughs like a handmade cardboard box is coming loose from the cupboard of her lungs.

Are you okay?

Is she okay?

And she is until she isn’t.


I would send you tea leaves for steeping but I don’t know what kind of tea you like or if you like loose tea leaves or bags or black green herbal oolong herbal or maybe you drink coffee maybe cream and lots of sugar.

We could fuck past our midnights but each time there would be somewhere else for someone to be going in the morning.

What’s the point of midnights always followed by a morning?

One straight to the chest or straight to the head or he stood on the trigger and put the barrel just under his.


Words fall short not once but twice.

Words fall short now count them.


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there 2008