there.

 

Katrina Rodabaugh

30. FROM THE SPACE THAT RAMBLES OUT BETWEEN YOUR OAKLAND AND MY BROOKLYN

 

The cultural differences between four time zones or 2946 miles based upon the routes usually followed by motorists or between New York and San Francisco because the map did not list Oakland and Brooklyn or movement from Oakland back to Brooklyn and these spaces that ramble out between.

Not generic like it could be or could have been anywhere between but specific to this longitude and latitude and geographical region.

Not to be generic in the collaboration between poet and sculptor and hers with hers and moving over the horizon from this viewpoint or vantage or bare trees brown tan grow gray not green.

Bones against the edges of a sky gone gray gone winter.

One spot of blood like a Northern Cardinal or a Blue Jay or a Western Bluebird or an American Goldfinch but then evergreen out in the outer distance.

Shopping mall and highway not interstate or freeway but shopping plaza and gas station marking center.

Three bars and a pizza shop and a hardware store mark the distance.

More like cow pasture leads into shopping mall leads into Dunkin Donuts and Olive Garden and Applebee’s leads into gas stations and local bars leads into cow pasture leads into country road leads into forest leads into open door of a shed.

 

Not speaking to him or not being spoken to.

Difficult to trust or gesture out and back again.

In the movie the parrot returned to the unloved not to the beloved regardless of her costume.

To press sound into the receiver or to say darling if I could be there with you.

To say darling as if it could.

But with a woodstove and a sense of might be gone forever.

 

Warm colors tied in knots in yarn across my lap and he falls into dream on the little couch over my left shoulder.

To create space after he created objects or sculpture.

To have conjured him in daydream and to have been that specifically specific although you me we haven’t met yet.

The ease of it she said and I thought back to our first face to face conversation.

A birthmark on a brand new lip or hip or wrist and the curling of hair I hadn’t yet inhabited or noticed.

To want and to be wanted.

Was I loved or was I used?

And it was both and it was neither.

 

A distance now between two grown women like sister or mother a field blows strands of tall beige grass beyond the outer distance.

Or Sugar Maples are large with rounded dense crowns and multicolored foliage in autumn turning red orange and yellow while bark is light gray becoming rough deeply furrowed into narrow scaly ridges.

And an ache with it.

Or an aching to be home.

 

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there 2008